Talking to someone you care about who has a home full to the brim with stuff can be hard. They might be a hoarder, and if they are, here are some tips on how to have a good conversation about it:

Start a Conversation With a Hoarder With Kindness

Begin by starting of by saying that you know it’s a touchy subject and you want to talk about it in a nice way. Tell them you just want to help.

Learn About Hoarding

Before you talk to your friend, it’s really important to find out more about hoarding and understand what can cause it. It’s not just about being messy; it’s a mental health thing. You can learn more about hoarding disorder here.

Pick a Good Time and Place to Have Your Conversation

Find a quiet and comfy place to talk. Make sure you both have time to chat without feeling rushed. Be prepared for a wide range of emotions like anger, tears, or denial.

When Talking to a Hoarder, Use “I” Statements

When you talk, say things like, “I’ve noticed things seem overwhelming for you, and I’m worried.” This is much better than saying, “You have too much stuff, and it’s a problem.” You want to try and not be aggressive in your tone or statements.

Talk about Specific Things

Instead of general stuff, talk about specific things that worry you. Be honest without judging. Remember, hoarding is not just being lazy; it’s a mental thing.

Be Kind and Understanding When Talking to a Hoarder

Be sure to let them know that you understand how tough it is and that you care. Avoid having a harsh tone, as that may come across as being mean. Instead, focus on being understanding and conveying that you are on their side.

Offer to Help the Hoarder, Not Judge Them

Instead of telling them what to do, offer to work together. Help sort things or if needed, find professionals that specialize in cleaning services for hoarders. Share info on local support groups or therapists that specialize in hoarding disorder.

Be a Good and Understanding Listener

Let the hoarder talk without judging them. They might have reasons you don’t know about. Even if you don’t get it, try to understand and work to find a solution together.

Set Small Goals – Take Baby Steps to Improve a Hoarding Situation

Make small goals to begin the clean up. Don’t make the initial tasks to big or too hard. Celebrate the small wins to keep things moving in a positive direction.

Suggest Professional Help for Your Hoarding Friend

If the hoarding situation is really overwhelming, or the cleanup is really hard, suggest that maybe a professional can help. Therapists or organizers who know about hoarding can make it easier.

Talk to your hoarding friend with care and understanding. It might not be easy, but starting the conversation is definitely the first step in helping them.